Apologies
by MrsBCumberbatchIwish
Summary: The Doctor apolgises to the one person who deserves it the most. Post dalek episode


The Doctor listened, as the words echoed around the room, bouncing off walls, before being swallowed by the dark, heavy silence that had descended between them. The person opposite him made no reply, he didn't expect it; he knew how overdue these words were. He knew how they he'd said them too many times to undeserving people for them to have any great meaning now that he needed to say them to the one person who deserved them the most.

"I have never meant to hurt you, not on purpose anyway"

There was still no reply. His opponent stared back at him stony-faced and silent. He wasn't surprised, even to him they sounded like a laughable cliché; one he normally would of rolled his eyes at, but his proficient vocabulary had deserted him and left behind words that seemed to of come straight out of a trashy romance novel that he'd occasionally caught Rose reading.

"I'm sorry that I have never trusted you," He said, fighting a sadistic urge not to laugh at himself and the ridiculously hollow sentences that seemed to be seeping out of his mouth. He felt more than this, he knew that deep down inside he had the words to put this right, but he was scared of what would come out if he let go and un-bottled all the emotions he'd kept inside for so long. "You have been nothing but loyal to me, I just…"

His voice tailed off as his verbal skills failed him, allowing the deafening quietness to return. Its stillness unnerved him, as if the whole of time and space had ground to a halt and all there was this never-ending moment of what seemed like hell. He spoke again, saying anything that came to mind just to break the lull.

"I'm sorry for being so hard on you and I'm sorry that I have taken advantage of you. You have given me so much, you have done so much for me and I have given you absolutely nothing in return." He shook his head and smiled sadly, "I don't know how you have put up with me for so long."

The persistent reticence of the other person now both worried and frustrated him. Why wouldn't they just say something? He could understand if they were angry, he would be if he was in their situation, and he could understand if they wanted to make him suffer, but there were better ways to do it than leaving him in this torturous limbo, where he didn't know if he was making any sense at all.

"I…" He said, trying to force another sentence out, but finding he couldn't. His throat felt like it had been rubbed vigorously with a block of sandpiper and the word he were dying before he could get them out of his mouth. He gulped but found that it didn't make any difference, and words were still as hard to come by.

"I…" he began again, fidgeting uncomfortably in his jacket as he wondered when it had become so hot. He reached up and wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead, and tried again "I…"

He watched as the other reached out and gripped the object in front of them both, curling their fingers around its cool curved edge and leaning against it as for support. The Doctor raised his eyes and looked into theirs finally seeing a change there, seeing a little flicker of emotion that wasn't there before.

"I'm sorry…" He said, realising that this was his chance to try and put this right. "That I have expected so much of you. I have expected perfection from you at all times and that was wrong. No one is perfect and I shouldn't expect you to be. And I know I have treated you like you don't count, that your opinions don't mean a thing to me but they do. I should have listened to you more, instead of running into things blindly and almost getting everyone killed and I'm sorry"

He spread his hands on the object in front of him and leaned forward.

"And I know sorry doesn't say a lot. I know it isn't a sonnet, or a poem or anything like that. It is just a simple word..."He stopped and gulped; trying to move the large lump that had formed in his throat. "Just a simple word" He repeated, "that has been said a million times, but I can't find another word that explains how I feel right now."

He watched as the recipient of his speech began to cry, teardrops falling down their face only to be replaced by new ones already seeping from their eyes.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed, as tears choked his voice and burned behind his eyes. "I'm just so, so sorry"

The knock on the door disturbed him from his thoughts and he jumped with surprise

"Doctor, are you in there?" Came the muffled voice through the wood.

He paused, remaining completely still as the owner of the voice tried the door handle, waggling it harder and harder, before giving up when it didn't give way under their touch.

"Doctor?"

He tiptoed quietly to the doorway and listened to the movements of his assistant on the other side.

"Doctor?"

"What is it Rose?"

"I…are you ok in there? It's just that I heard you talking to…"

"I'm fine" He replied curtly, cutting her off mid sentence

"Are you sure?"

He paused before answering her, searching for the words to say to her. She was amazing, after everything today, after he almost killed her, she was stood outside a bathroom door asking if he was ok when it should be the other way round.

"Doctor?" She said again, when the pause lasted a little too long.

"Yes, I'm ok. I'll be out in a minute"

He listened as her footsteps began to die away down the corridor and then called her name. He heard her stop and turn back towards the room he was in.

"Yes?"

"I…"

She should hate him; he had shown her his true self today, the darkness within, but still she had remained with him and not asked for a single word of apology from him. He knew he should say something, he knew he should make amends for everything that had happened, he couldn't take her for granted like he had taken the person of his current apology.

"I…make sure that pretty boy doesn't mess with my knobs. I'll drop him in a black hole somewhere if he does" He said, deciding that that it wasn't right time to apologise to her. It shouldn't be forced, it shouldn't be hasty and it shouldn't be through a bathroom door. His apology to Rose, though he knew really it wasn't needed, would be amazing. He would take her some far away planet, some place where some stupid human genius wasn't likely to walk in and spoil it, some place where it would be just the two of them like it was supposed to be.

He listened to her laugh, that carefree laugh that he adored about her, and her scurry of her feet as she ran back to the control room. He would go to them in a second; go back to his normal life, there was just one thing he had to finish.

He wandered back to his original spot and looked back at the man staring back at him from the mirror. He took a deep breath and exiled loudly, shutting his eyes and letting out all the hurt, anguish and guilt that he held inside for so long. Allowing it to rise up like a cloud before it dissipated into nothingness.

The Doctor opened his eyes and looked at his reflection, at the man he had owed and given the greatest apology of his life, at the man who had given him everything and then almost lost it all because of his impulsive stupidity, at the man who had forgiven him everything and smiled.

"Thank you"

He turned away and walked away, his boots clattering on the tiled floor as he headed to the door. He stopped in the doorway and switched off the light, letting darkness fall on his past and headed out to his future, heading out into the bright white corridor and Rose.

"You're quite welcome" Came the reply from the mirror as his mirrored manifestation faded back into its usual bright light and dissolved back into the heart of the TARDIS until the next time it was wanted or needed.


End file.
